Something has changed within me

I can't blog too often these day because 1-I'm so flippin' busy! Finals coming up--yikes... and 2-we aren't allowed to upload things to internet anymore because it takes up so much broadwith or something. If we can pirate some internet outside of BYU sometimes it's possible (like right now), but even that gets pretty dodgey... so I may have to finish chronicling my adventures in a few weeks. For now, I'll do what I can.

So, guess what I did Tuesday night??

Yup, I finally jumped the bandwagon, what can I say, but I'm in London--I might as well! I finally gave in and saw WICKED. Not that I think there is anything wrong with the show, of course not, I just hate the overboard hype that comes with things when girls think they're great. FOR GOOD was sung at every last stinkin' graduation, girls night, celebration, and party I can remember. I was so sick of that song, I didn't think I could ever make it through the entire show! But I did, and (don't tell any of the girls), I even might have loved it. The music and spectacle had the perfect balance--that is a rare find indeed. And the costumes! Oh, well, I always look for the costumes, and these ones did not disappoint; I want one of each in my own size. And yes, I would wear them every day. :P

Besides all the showmanship of the actual show, I have to say that I did love (gasp) DEFYING GRAVITY, because it touched something deep inside me. I'm not sure I can really explain it in words, but I loved that Elphaba decides that she isn't going to let anything bring her down--no more listening to what everyone else thinks of you and what you can do--it hit me because, as I'm sure many people experience, I have had countless people in my life telling me what I can, and more annoyingly, what I can't do, especially regarding my surgery.

-"You can't ever go on a mission now."

-"You'll never be the same."

-"You're always going to struggle--you'll never be able to do those things again."

-"School isn't every going to be that easy again--you may never be able to read and learn like you used to."

-"You're shy, you'll never be able to break out of that--it's just part of who you are."

-"Sometimes you just can't change--you're born this way and you have to learn to deal with it."

-"You can't travel abroad, it would be too hard on you." "You could never handle living with girls for that long, you would crack." (and there are so many times I thought I would completely crack, but I'm still here)

Now, I don't necessarily disagree completely--there are some things you can't change, and you just have to learn to deal with them; life wasn't meant to be easy of course. However, like Elphaba says, "Some things I cannot change--but till I try I'll never know!" How will you know if those are the things you have to live with if you never try to make them better? What's the worse that can happen--you can't, and then you're just where you would have been anyway. Everyone deserves a chance to TRY at least. You'll never fly if you don't take the leap. For example, yesterday we went to Portsmouth to see the HMS Victory, captained by Lord Nelson of the Royal Navy--he won the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805, not a small thing--he was a great naval hero, and you want to know what? The guy had severe seasickness--a SEA captain, who had such terrible SEAsickness! See, he didn't let that stop him. He did what he wanted to do, and he did it well. Ha. I don't know, it just really got to me, because if this little green girl could do all of those amazing things, then why can't I? I had brain surgery only a year ago--and look at me now! I am more than I ever would have dreamed before I found out about all this brain drama, wahaha--in fact, it's BECAUSE of it that I am who I am, and I wouldn't trade that for the world--that's what you get for telling me what to do, or what I can't do, because you know what--I CAN. You'll never actually know that you can't until you at least try.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game

I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!

Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!