“A day spent without the sight and sound of beauty, the contemplation of mystery, or the search of truth or perfection is a poverty-stricken day; and a succession of such days is fatal to human life.” ~Lewis Mumford
Everywhere we turn there seems to be an advertisement promoting the latest miracle pill or exercise regiment that will produce amazing results.
The pictures that accompany these types of promotions usually show a perfectly shaped woman or a perfectly built, Greek god-type man. The amount of money being spent on advertising to create the illusion of these types of bodies is astronomical. Unfortunately, it must be working because consumers are buying the whole concept: the idea that a great-looking body means happiness, better relationships and, especially, finding love. All you need to do is look like these models, and your life will be great.
Unfortunately there is a downside to all this hoopla about having the perfect body.
First of all, most of us will never look like that, but, more importantly, this obsession leads to eating disorders, poor self-esteem, depression and even feelings of not wanting to be here on this earth any longer. I realize this may sound overly dramatic, but I can assure you that it is real. If I don't like what I see in the mirror every day, it will affect every other aspect of my life. Consider that there are people who consciously avoid even looking at the mirror when they get out of the shower for fear of what they will see.
Imagine having someone tell you every day, "You're fat and ugly," or "Look at you. How disgusting!" Obviously we don't have anyone like this in our lives — or do we? The inner critic is wreaking havoc in many people's lives, and I'm convinced that what we see in the mirror does not accurately reflect what we really look like.
Body-image distortion is a very common phenomenon. People will nitpick every possible physical imperfection without comprehending what they actually look like. Part of the homework assignments I give to those struggling with their body image is to get in front of the mirror and tell themselves the following: I love my body and I will take good care of my body.
This is not some kind of narcissistic mantra; it's an honest attempt to formulate a healthier relationship with whom you see in the mirror.
Needless to say, initially many fail at this assignment. With tears rolling down their cheeks, they say, "I can't do it, or it's not true," but with continued effort, minor miracles can happen with just this small exercise. Unless we change how we view our imperfections, our self-esteem will continue to suffer — and we can't afford to berate ourselves long term.
Focusing on all the amazing things are bodies do for us, which we often take for granted, can also enhance our view of our bodies. In the end, it is not about having a perfect body; it's about having a loving and healthy relationship with our body. Having a more balanced view of our lives based on the relationships we create, the amount of service we provide and the love we extend to others has a lot more to do with our self-esteem than our physical appearance.
The world may tell us otherwise, but our spirit cries out. Be kind, be sensitive, be loving. In other words, apply the often-neglected second part of the commandment, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." [doesn't that mean we are commanded to LOVE OURSELVES TOO???]
In so doing, we will discover that loving oneself is a pretty good idea, even with our imperfections.
What: Carl Bloch: The Master's Hand
Where: BYU Museum of Art
When: Nov. 12-Mar 7, 2011; extended hours are Monday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-9 p.m
"Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful." -Sophia Loren
Who can argue with that? Like any normal female mortal being, I have had troubles with my self-esteem and body image from time to time. I remember being on the ballroom dance team in Junior High: my mom had to custom make or alter all my costumes because they didn't have any that were big enough for me. Many of those lovely girls wanted me off the team, because I didn't represent the thin and "beautiful" image that ballroom should portray. I was crushed. Our coach pulled me aside and told me not to listen: "Look at your mother, one day you will look like that too." My mother is drop-dead gorgeous, and I'll bet none of you can ever figure out just how old she is. The problem was that I was 12 and didn't want to wait that long to be beautiful--I was ashamed, and I'm not sure I ever got over it.
Until now. The past few years have been a struggle, particularly this past year with surgery and whatnot, but these trials brought more blessings than I could ever wish for, for one: an understanding of worth and a love of self. I worked my butt off trying to be beautiful, but I remember the day I could successfully fit into a pair of size 0 jeans--my dream was to be a size 6, so a size 0 was above and beyond my dreams. Yet as I stood looking into the dressing room mirror, I wasn't happy at all. It didn't matter what size I wore or how much I weighed--I wasn't happy with myself, and no amount of external change was going to fix that. I had to learn HOW to be beautiful--DEEP BEAUTY, not this Hollywood drama. True beauty comes from within; I know we've all heard that, but it couldn't be more true.
A few months ago a friend of mine told me that he had to stare into a mirror and repeat "I am happy" over and over and over until he believed it. It seemed to simple to work, but I trusted him and gave it a shot. Every morning--every time I passed a mirror or a reflecting window--I looked myself square in the eyes and said, "I am happy, and I am beautiful." I felt ridiculous at first, but after a while something changed. I found myself passing mirrors or building windows, even car windshields, and without the effort my mind would shout "I AM HAPPY AND I AM BEAUTIFUL! Heck girl, I am absolutely gorgeous!" It may sound vain to you, but stop and think for just a moment: how many of us are actually excited to look into a mirror? In fact, according to a recent BYU study, the fear of getting fat is seen even in the brain scans of healthy, well-adjusted women . None of us are safe unless we come to know and understand the truth.
"Like this young swan, most of us have felt at one time or another that we don’t quite fit in. Much of the confusion we experience in this life comes from simply not understanding who we are. Too many go about their lives thinking they are of little worth when, in reality, they are elegant and eternal creatures of infinite value with potential beyond imagination....
My dear young friends, this knowledge allows you to see your own reflection in the water. It assures you that you are not ordinary, rejected, or ugly. You are something divine—more beautiful and glorious than you can possibly imagine. This knowledge changes everything. It changes your present. It can change your future. And it can change the world."
We are all divine and beautiful--beauty and happiness doesn't come through anything that this world has to offer. It comes only from the love of God that we find within. If you ever find yourself struggling, turn to Him and He will show you time and time again what a wonderful being you truly are. You are beautiful, and don't ever let anyone ever tell you different. <3
There are many answers that could be given to that question: be worthy, pray always, earnestly seek the Lord, follow the General Authorities. But I should like to answer in a little different way.
The Lord’s voice is still and small and it whispers. If our lives are filled with “noise,” we will find it difficult to hear. We must find ways to reduce the inner noise in our lives and create times of inner stillness and quiet.
There are many sources of inner noise. Some are obvious. Sin can create tremendous inner noise. Anger and contention are a major source of inner noise. Other sources of inner noise are not necessarily bad in and of themselves. Physical tiredness, stress, busyness, apathy, and worry can all create inner noises of their own.
Even outer noise can detract from inner quiet. We often live in envelopes of outer noise. This is not a bad thing, but it may interfere at times with the quiet whisperings the Lord wants to give us.
Let me mention one other common source of great inner noise. When we desperately desire something, it creates a great rush of emotion within us. And high emotion can mask or cover spiritual promptings. Even if the thing we desire is a good thing, our “wants” may be so high that we become unwilling or unable to hear the Lord’s will in the matter.
Thankfully, the scriptures and the prophets teach us how to reduce inner noise and create times of quiet and reverence.
Reading and studying the word of God is a great source of inner quiet. You can feel things begin to change. The agitation melts away, and peace comes in its place. I have experienced that time and again in my own life.
Prayer is another source of inner quiet and serenity. I am not talking about the I-have-to-do-my-duty sort of prayers. I speak of prayers that are consistent, focused, and submissive to God’s will.
We can increase our own personal reverence. In sacrament meetings we can sit quietly and prepare for the covenant-making process offered there. We witness to God that we are willing to “always remember him” (see D&C 20:77, 79). If we keep that covenant, we shall always have His Spirit to be with us.
Finally, deliberately put aside the cares of the world, put aside the rush of our daily lives, and find a quiet place and a quiet time to sit and ponder and reflect and meditate.
If the voice of the Lord is still and small and it whispers, should it surprise us that His counsel is “Be still and know that I am God”? (D&C 101:16). There is great significance to that simple statement. Only as we are still can we learn to hear the still, small voice.
“The Spirit does not get our attention by shouting or shaking us with a heavy hand. Rather it whispers. It caresses so gently that if we are preoccupied we may not feel it at all. …
“Occasionally it will press just firmly enough for us to pay heed. But most of the time, if we do not heed the gentle feeling, the Spirit will withdraw and wait until we come seeking and listening.”
—President Boyd K. Packer, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “The Candle of the Lord,” Ensign, Jan. 1983, 53.
People are important. Never give up on them. I learned that this weekend. It was mostly about family members and ourselves but I think it can be extended. It’s true, we should never give up on family. We should never give up on ourselves and slip into oblivion’s misery. We shouldn’t give up on people who make us happy. We shouldn’t give up on people who obviously need our influence in their lives. Relationships can get really hard. Relationships take a lot to maintain and they can be draining. But, never give up on those relationships that you treasure. Love yourself, love your family, and love your fellowmen. (http://yourbiggestfan30.wordpress.com/)
AMEN.
Neal A. Maxwell, "Brightness of Hope,"Ensign, Nov. 1994, 3 I've got nothing to add to that--just that you take it to heart and live it every single day. |
It is important to form your own opinion. Today, on my way home, it started to precipitate. I couldn’t decide what it was, so I asked the cute guy at the intersection if he thought it was snow. He said, “Yes. It looks that way.” I didn’t buy it. I wasn’t sure still. So, I extended my arms and walked around like a robot stuck in rock-em sock-em motion to see what the precipitation landing in my arms were like. I’ve decided that it was hail. The point is, we don’t always have all the facts. When we don’t, it’s easy to get swayed by other people’s opinions (because most people have some opinion on everything). Gather your own facts and make your own decisions. It’ll most definitely be a happier trip for you and others who might be the subject of your fact finding (And…I may or may not be secretly in love with everything Ralph Waldo Emerson says. No, I don’t mimic him. Okay thanks).
Amen to Elein--LOVE YOU--all I've got is a huge resounding freakin' AMEN to that! I'm tired of others relying on someone else's words--most especially when those words totally don't portray their beliefs--why go against your own beliefs? your own feelings? who you TRULY are. It's not always easy, but when you turn to God He will show you who you really are, and even better, who you can really be. :)
Be yourself--that's who we love. <3
No one's perfect--that's one of the trials in life, and yet one of the wonderful tender mercies that makes life so beautiful.
"Another error you might easily make in dating is expecting to find perfection in the person you are with. The truth is, the only perfect people you might know are those you don’t know very well. Everyone has imperfections. Now, I’m not suggesting you lower your standards and marry someone with whom you can’t be happy. But one of the things I’ve realized as I’ve matured in life is that if someone is willing to accept me—imperfect as I am—then I should be willing to be patient with others’ imperfections as well. Since you won’t find perfection in your partner, and your partner won’t find it in you, your only chance at perfection is in creating perfection together."--President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." --Sam Keen
Subject: Burned Biscuits
When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.
On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!
When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And
besides - a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"
Life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults - and choosing to celebrate each others differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.
And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!
We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!
"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket - keep it in your own."
I received an email today with the following message; it has really put me into some dangerously deep thought. Enjoy--and seriously, take to heart:
Love, simply stated, is the essence of life. It can put the smile on your face, the bounce in your step, and most importantly, the joy in your heart. Even when your whole world is crumbling around you, one person holding your hand, looking into your eyes, saying "I love you" is enough to get you through.
Love is to attitude as the rain is to flowers. Surround yourself with people who love you, and whom you can love back. This, more than anything else you can do, will provide the music for your life and the fuel for your soul.
Just recently a friend included a wonderful poem by Robert Ward in her letter to me. I hope you like it as much as I did.
I wish you the courage to be warm when the world
Would prefer that you be cool.
I wish you successes sufficient to your needs;
I wish you failure to temper that success.
I wish you joy in all your days; I wish you sadness
So that you may better measure that joy.
I wish you gladness to overbalance grief.
I wish you humor and a twinkle in the eye.
I wish you glory and the strength to bear its burdens.
I wish you sunshine on your path and storms to season
Your journey.
I wish you peace in the world in which you live and in the
Smallest corner of the heart where truth is kept.
I wish you faith to help define your living and your life.
More I cannot wish you, except perhaps love, to make
All the rest worthwhile.
